The Paradox of Change

"Change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not."
-Arnold Beisser

What if being pushed to change, every day, every hour, every minute is just unfair? What if we can’t change? What if we don’t want to change? Should we have to change a core part of us? Why do we change? Are we changing for ourselves or are we changing for society?

These are questions that I have struggled to answer.

This journey is mine. I’ve walked on unsteady ground. I’ve trudged through murky waters. Day in and day out, I’ve worked to survive the journey. And now I’m told to change the journey. Create a new path. A journey that is easier to trudge. A journey that looks more pleasant to the naked eye. A path paved over MY path that I’ve created.

I fear that myself, my core identity, who I am as a person isn’t enough. I am X, but I need to be Y.  But why is Y valued over X?

I am me and I’m not sure I want to change that. I occasionally block. I occasionally struggle. And maybe that’s okay.

Maybe that’s enough. Maybe I am enough the way I am.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in change. Life is all about change, growth, and striving to become a better version of yourself. But maybe change happens when we let go of our insecurities, remove our shield, and let society see us for all we have to offer, beyond our speech. If we don’t love ourselves and embrace our imperfections how can we expect society to welcome them? If we want change, we can be change just by being ourselves.

Beisser continued, "Change does not take place through a coercive attempt by the individual or by another person to change him, but it does take place if one takes the time and effort to be what he is - to be fully invested in his current positions."

I vow: to accept myself and all my vulnerabilities. To embrace the uncertainty, the struggle, the fear. To learn to love the chaotic harmony that stuttering creates. To strive towards better communication and work toward being a better version of myself but know that, under any conditions, do I have to. 

I will change for myself, but I will not change for societal expectations. And maybe the real change is about standing your ground - for who you are, for what you represent, for what you believe in.

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