Build Your Foundation

It’s 1997. My mom is lying next to me in my bed singing me a sweet song inside the walls of a scary world. I revel in the lyrics. With hope and wonder she sings:

“Someday we'll find it.

The rainbow connection.

The lovers, the dreamers, and me.”

From: The Muppets, “The Rainbow Connection"

I fall asleep with these words running through my head. I can't wait for the future. The moment when my dreams come true.

19 years later, I look over at my mom and cry out, “Everyone is getting engaged, getting married, having kids, and building beautiful houses. I’m still stuck building the foundation, brick by brick. I just want the house already.”

We looked at each other.

That’s it.

Don’t rush to build the house. With a shaky foundation, no matter how beautiful the house, it will never be on solid ground.

My parents gave me the land, but it was up to me to start building the house. And I did. I gave my all to school, to work, and to extra-curricular activities. I dedicated my free time to volunteering at the Virginia Living Museum and the SPCA.

I became a perfectionist. My 14 year old mind equated hard work with success. With a 4.1, passion, and determination, I got accepted into the University of Virginia. Boy was I in for it! I was surrounded with 15,000 other students who also attributed hard work to success.

My sturdy, "perfect" little foundation was suddenly not enough.

It was September of my first year at UVA. I was assigned a 5-7 page paper in one of my classes that was due in just a couple of weeks. I look at the rubric and say to myself, “Are you kidding me?” How am I going to possibly write 5 pages? I call my sister. "It's the second week of the semester and I have to write a 5-7 page paper", I say. She chuckles, "Welcome to college."

I still remember the moment I opened up Microsoft Word and began to write. I sat there for 30 minutes just staring at the screen. I didn’t know what the f**k I was doing. Why are they doing this to me? No one had ever taught me how to write a paper. With the help of Google, some upperclassmen, and using the ‘introduction, body, and conclusion’ rubric from elementary school I turned in a “paper.”

A month later, I get the paper back, and it was all marked up with a big fat C- on it. WHAT? My first grade in college is a C-. I get A’s. I’m an A student. This cannot be happening. I call my mom in tears. “How can they expect us to know how to do something that we were never taught? This is so unfair that we are graded on something we haven’t even learned how to do.” The next day, I went to my professor. For an hour, he helped explain to me what I was doing wrong and how I could fix it. I still didn’t really get it. I made adjustments to what he said, but I still didn’t know HOW to write a paper. Can someone just tell me how?

Well, I ended up getting a lot of C’s on papers that semester, but then something happened. As weeks went on, I got more B’s and then eventually got some A-‘s at the end.

I learned the importance of continuing to build your foundation even after graduation. In fact, for founder Thomas Jefferson, learning was an integral part of life. He believed that the life of the mind is a pursuit for all participants in the University, that learning is a lifelong process. “To penetrate and dissipate these clouds of darkness, the general mind must be strengthened,” he said. What I found here was that people really do take TJ’s advice to heart (okay, along with a little work hard, play hard attitude). It was an environment of motivation, determination, and passion. I was taught how to think critically about my own opinion instead of just regurgitating other’s ideas.

7 years later and I rest on an invaluable foundation that UVA provided me. I encounter scenarios like this paper writing experience EVERY DAY. As a graduate student, we are thrown into clinical practicum where we have to plan and execute therapy sessions. No one tells us what to do, but with guidance, direction, and problem solving, we figure it out. 6 months into clinical practicum and I’ve failed once, tumbled a few times, and succeeded several times. With the good, the bad, and mediocre behind me, I enter each new therapy session with confidence and grace. Because when you’re happy and motivated, your client is happy and motivated. And no matter how many times you fail, there’s always another chance to bring yourself back up again.

Here are my 10 steps to creating a good foundation:

1. Start building now.

No one’s going to tell you when or how to build the foundation. But the foundation is the most important part of the house. Establish yourself NOW as an identity apart from a significant other. When you do finally get into that relationship, what you’ll have is not only a beauty created together, but also an individual who exists apart from it in her own beauty.

2. YOU build your foundation.

I don't believe that opportunity comes knocking on the door. I believe that you knock on opportunity's door. And many times, the opportunity is only as strong as how hard you knock.

3. It’s okay for the foundation to look ugly.

The foundation isn’t about the beauty; it’s about the strength. Hard work and dedication shines through even in the smallest of tasks. You never know where something might lead you.

4. Don’t just use the bricks nearby. Explore all the unique bricks near and far.

It’s tempting to stay in your comfort zone. To reach for the bricks that are near you without moving your feet to get new ones. But there are so many other bricks out there that can make your foundation even stronger. Don't let fear hold you back from exploration.

5. Use your resources to help build your foundation.

Know when to ask for help. No one expects you to know how to build a foundation on your own. Look to others who have already built their foundation. Use your resources. Your foundation can’t be built with one person. Use the feedback, criticism, and words of advice as tools to help create your unique foundation. Understand that these are there to help make your foundation the best that it can be.

6. Never abandon your foundation.

Someone else’s foundation may look tempting, but never leave your foundation for the beauty of someone else’s. You never know what they went through to build their foundation. It may look beautiful, but yours is stronger.

7. Don’t lose sight of the surroundings.

Your foundation is not the center of the world. Remember where your foundation lies. Take a step back every once and awhile and remind yourself what you’ve built. Remember those who are unable to build a foundation.

8. Don’t get lost in perfection.

Some bricks will fit nicely in your self-constructed foundation. Others may not fit as well. You may have to rearrange your already constructed bricks to allow for these more important bricks to take place. And others, because of their appearance may tempt you to knock down your already constructed foundation and start all over, but remember the beauty and strength of what you’ve created.

9. No one is going to tell you how to build your house.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO FAIL. In fact, it may be necessary to fail so you realize your strength and willpower. Spoiler alert – there is no one way to build a house.

10. Every now and then, loan a brick to another’s foundation.

Help other’s build their foundation. Mentor. Give back. You can spare a brick. Or two.

And no matter how fancy the house gets, never forget what your house is built upon and what it took to get there. Before you got there it was just a pile of dirt. Look what you’ve created. YOU DID IT.

So take the time to build your foundation so that when you do decide to build a house, no matter how small your house or what comes it’s way it’ll always stand on strong ground.

And the storm will come. It’s inevitable. But don’t fret. Your house may shake, but it will stay strong against the wind. And if the storm does take down the house, you will always have a strong foundation to build upon and no one can take that away.

The ones that start at the top never finish at the top. It’s the ones that start at the bottom and work their way up with hard work and dedication that are the true achievers.

I’m 25. I’ve stopped waiting for my dreams to come true. My dreams are coming true every day, moment by moment, brick by brick.

Go build your foundation.