In an Instant

August, 2000

My uncle is leaving work to go home to his wife and newborn daughter. A truck driver is making his last delivery. The truck driver decides to run a red light.

In an instant, my uncle is killed.

He never got to watch his daughter grow up.

He never got to grow old with the love of his life.

We never had a chance to say goodbye.

My dad stood fatherless and brotherless.

There became a forever void in our heart.

January, 2010

I get a text from my mother while in Belize. “ Your grandma has been diagnosed with Parkinsons."

March, 2014

I get a text from my mother while at work. “We are moving grandma here. She’s not doing well.”

April, 2014

We think grandma has Lewy Body Dementia.

December, 2015

I’m sitting upstairs and I hear my dad talking about my grandmother’s decline to my mom: “She is all I have left of my family. This is it.”

I believe that love and loss are intricately tied. We want to hold on to the ones we love – forever. But since we can't do that, we settle for holding on to them until the last possible second. But sometimes, our ties are cut short and we are forced to let go prematurely, without warning.

We want the “good old days” back, the times when everyone was well.

But did we really know what we had then?

Through it all, the pain, suffering, hardship, and loss, all we really can do is hold on to what we have. Cherish the memories. Bottle the laughter. Spread the love.

One day we will look back and want THIS MOMENT, right now. Here.

Love is joy and loss is sadness. Loss hijacks our emotions and fills us with pain. But this bumpy road of loss actually gives us the opportunity to love more than we could have ever imagined. It helps us realize that love is precious. Life is temporary.

I’m taken aback to my childhood winter breaks spent in Florida every year. The sound of football, the smell of Hungarian food, and the laughter that abounded. Grandpa Jack and Uncle Eric sitting on the couch yelling at the TV. Grandma in the kitchen cooking up a storm.

The condo is gone, the TV is off, and everything is silent. I don’t know how it all disappeared so fast. But I do know that in an instant, everything changed.

I dig up my grandma's favorite snow globe. I wipe off the dust. For an instant, the flowers came back to life, the snow began to fall again, and the song, "You are the wind beneath my wings" played once more.